Abundantly Alive in Christ

What is “motivation”? To have sufficient motive to do something, so that you actually want to do it. In simpler terms, you need to know why you are doing something before you can actually do it and do it well. To have no motivation is simply to not know why something needs to be done.

Knowledge as Motivation -> Motivation (the ‘energy’) -> Action/Behaviour.

When I was young, I was innately very curious. I demanded to know why this and why that, probably more so than the average kid. Not just curious in a scientific way but I was definitely also very existential: why do we worship God? If there are so many religions out there, and if everyone thinks their religion is the right one, who is actually right? And how can we know for sure? In fact, how can we know anything at all?

But the more I asked these questions, the more I found out that adults (well, people in general) really did not like being asked why. Most likely it’s the Confucian roots of Asian/Chinese/Singaporean culture, where blind obedience to seniority is deemed a virtue. Of course there is also respect for elders in the West, but in Asian culture there definitely is an over-emphasis on respecting elders/seniors, almost to the point of worship. No, not “almost”, it actually becomes worship as seen in the practice of ancestral worship in many Asian/Chinese cultures.

So don’t talk back, don’t question anyone who is older (and hence, in the logic of Confucian philosophy, always wiser).

Being curious, I always pride myself on being a good learner (and still do). So it was natural that I learnt not to ask so many questions, and “just do it”. In hindsight, however, this was detrimental in so many ways.

Mainly, it was harmful in the sense that I ignored the innate curiosity that seemed to spring out from the very essence of my own soul. It’s like asking an artist to suppress their inner creativity and to never make art. It toes the line of being nearly impossible but if somehow actually accomplished, does great unspeakable damage to their soul. No one should ever deny and repress who God made them to be.

I am writing this in an effort to answer yet another question: Why am I so lazy? And how can I better manage myself to learn to be less lazy? How can I improve my relationship/perspective of doing things that may only pay me off in the longer run? How is it that I can be so motivated to do certain things like play games, but feel totally unmotivated to do other less fun things despite “knowing” that doing those things are necessary for future benefit? Is it a cognitive/memory issue where the knowing does not go deep enough to rouse my spirit?